Boom Boom - A couple of Beckham jokes

More digs at the beleaguered England Captain. Hurrah!

Best topical Beckham joke:

"Reports from Baghdad say that Saddam Hussein may face the death penalty. His lawyers have requested that David Beckham take it."


Best ever Beckham joke:

St. Peter is having a lazy Sunday, when suddenly Michaelangelo appears, demanding entry to Paradise.

"Why do you deserve it?" Peter asks.

"I gave up four years of my life to paint the cieling of the Sistine Chapel. I took three to sculpt David, and annoyed the Hell out of the Medicis. My works are admired and loved by all mankind!"

"Hmm..." says Peter, "But can you prove you are who you say you are? You have no idea how many impostors we get up here!"

Michaelangelo takes Peter's grapefruit knife, and in seconds he has chiselled one of the Pearly Gates into a breathtaking likeness of St. John the Baptist. Peter is impressed despite himself.

"Fair enough, mate. In you go. Check your hat in just to the left, there."

Michaelangelo proudly strides through the gates, but just as Peter is settling back down to the crossword, Albert Einstein appears, also requesting life everlasting.

"Okay, what's your story?" askes an irritated Peter.

"Well, I formulated the Special and General theories of Relativity, which are cornerstones of modern science and philosophy. I proved and codified matter/energy equivalence. Oh, and I spoke up for the Big Guy when all that Quantum nonsense started."

"All very well, but how do I know you're the real Einstein?"

Einstein takes Peter's quill and begins to inscribe complex symbols on a passing cloud. When he has finished, a spectacular proof of Fermat's last theorem hangs in the air for a few seconds, before the cloud dissipates.

"Works for me!" Peter replied. "Step forward, and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Oh, and there's a barber's shop on Cherub Avenue, by the way. Have a nice Eternity!"

After Einstein has shuffled onto the immortal coil, Peter reckons he should have the rest of the afternoon to himself. No such luck.

"I'm, like, David Beckham, obviously." say the newcomer.

"Okay" sighs Peter, "I read the papers. So, what are you going to do to prove it?"

"Er, come again, mate?" says Becks.

"Well, Michaelangelo carved that beautiful likeness, to prove that he was indeed Michaelangelo. Einstein solved one of the mysteries of the Universe before my eyes, to prove he was Einstein. What are you gong to show me?"

David gives Peter a nonplussed frown.

"Michaelangelo? Einstein? Who are they?"

Peter sighs to himself.

"In you go, David.", he says.