Charity Workers

I'm being stalked by a charity hawker.

There's one particular long haired, rubbish-goateed, gold-toothed, ironic-eyebrowed pratoid who seems to have some kind of gizmo that seeks me out every, single bloomin' lunchtime.

No matter which part of town I wander and no matter how alert I am, he’s there, standing in my path brandishing his clipboard proudly and starting a conversation before I’ve been forced to stop.

It’s getting a little creepy now.

Perhaps he thinks I’m a challenge. I mean it’s not that I won’t give to charity - I do regularly, but privately and in my own time - but I’d rather staple my own tongue to my foot before giving him my direct debit details. And yet, every day he tries, for whatever charity is paying him to send honest people on guilt trips.

Yesterday, for example he stopped me to talk about disabled children. Before I’d clocked what charity he was hawking I put up a polite but firm hand and stated that I wasn’t interested.
“Not interested,” he boomed after me, “Not interested in poor, suffering, disabled children.”

And thus I was branded as someone slightly lower down the scale of decency than say, Satan.

Perhaps someone can start a charity to get charity vendors off the street? Can I ask you for a donation?