New Years Resolutions

OK, then. It's that first day at school feeling. I've got my brand new diary on my desk with a nice blank page and I'm desperately trying to work out what I had to do today, what I did before the Christmas break and what this work thing is anyway.

So far I haven't done very well.

Better work out some new years resolutions then that I can break in record time.

1. I will not spend any money on Ebay in the month of January.
I do not need that luminous Frankenstein back-scratcher in its original packaging. Its not essential and will only end up being too big for my letter box and then I'll have to brave Kingswood on a Saturday morning to pick it up from a particularly grotty post office depot. I hate going to Kingswood on a Saturday morning as its one of the most depressing places on the planet. It's a grimy, cheap and nasty place that brings out the snob in me, and I'm someone who usually really likes cheap and nasty places. Most days I would rather beat myself around the head with a pillowcase full of rusty shrapnel than venture into Kingswood.

2. I will not moan about going into Kingswood.
I’m sure it’s a very nice place full of lovely people.

3. While I’m at home relaxing with my family I will not check my emails roughly 7.9 times every second.
If someone has sent me something of vital importance at 9.15 in the evening it can probably wait. In fact if someone has sent me something of vital importance I will be too busy dealing with the fact that hell has frozen over and air-traffic control is having serious problems with the sheer amount of flying pigs.

4. I shall try and not eat anything from KFC for the first six months of the year.
I know I will break this one but I have to try don’t I. It’s just the guilty pleasure of biting into the slimy, rubbery flesh of a genetically mutated chicken is so good because you know its so, so bad. Plus, I like the little wet-wipes you get after you’ve finished gorging yourself with too much fried food.

5. I will stop force feeding my wife Doctor Who trivia.
She doesn’t need to know and she doesn’t deserve it. All the poor women did was marry me. She didn’t realise that would mean that she would be informed that the person who played the third Monoid from the left once appeared in an episode of Juliet Bravo.